No such thing as a happy pill, nothing happy about pills!!

This new life of supplements, is a true test of what I am willing to do to feel better.

I HATE (yep, a rare moment that I am allowed to use this word) pills, medication, supplements, etc. I avoid taking stuff like this at all costs. I don’t care how much you tell me I won’t taste anything, I do. Man, I remember those gigantic horse pills (multi-vitamins) I had to take during pregnancy. I swear it is part of the reason I will not be having any more kids!

I had to take 6 supplements this morning….6! I had to swallow them down with a drink that tastes like black licorice and kind of looks like watery diarrhea (hell yeah, to the visual). I gag every single morning. Worse part about it, is this is JUST the morning supplements. I am taking 13 a day right now. Yuck.

I have always been awful at taking my “medicine.”

When I was away at college, my family sold our home that we had lived in for 12 years. In the process of cleaning stuff out, my dad moved my waterbed (which mind you had been put in its place when I was about  8…. that bed stayed in one spot for 10 years).

So when my dad removed the bed, he discovered my deep dark secret. Years and years of having a headache, or a cold, or the flu….whatever. They would bring me a glass of water with my medication. I would put it in my mouth, drink the water and when they left the room, I would pull the pill out of my mouth and slip it down the crack behind my bed. Dad said there were hundreds of pills down there.

Is this something others deal with, or just me and my neurotic self? How do I trick my mind in to just dealing with it? Believe me, I am aware the more I think about it, the worse it is. When I think about it, I gag just to gag and a whole cycle of gagging begins and people….I truly don’t want to gag!



Tea Party

Last week out of the blue, the boys had asked me for tea cups and saucers. The idea was to go outside and have a tea party.

So I searched in my garage for an old party decoration box full of stuff just like this and found them some.

I love my boys, but the second they said outside, they were not going to be using my nice china.

Snafu, it started raining the second we got everything together….so tea inside it was.

They sat down at our dining room table with their gear (tea, cookies, a stuffed animal mouse and music).

I don’t know why I was shocked that this wasn’t a sweet little tea party. It was Mad Hatter style! Full of silly conversations, blaring music (“A Very Merry Unbirthday” on repeat), talks about broken clocks, white rabbits and some chick named Alice.

Be still my heart. Please stay little!


I have two boys who both have birthdays within a week of each other, in February. I have so far been very successful on great combo parties (this is to cut down on the whole entire month becoming one big party). But this time around both boys class parties happen to lie with in a day of each other.

The kids decided on homemade cookies this year for class. My oldest picked his favorite, the classic peanut butter kiss cookie. Easy peasy. It has like 5 ingredients. Awesome.

But my youngest…this kid. He decided he loves brownies soooo much, but still wanted cookies. His mischievous plan was for momma to make chocolate chip cookies with brownies stuffed inside.

Sure sure kid….but you guys…… he talked me in to it.

It wasn’t the hardest thing I have ever made, but it was much more time consuming than I thought. The outcome though was pretty freaking glorious! The cookie itself was soft and yummy, but when you got to that brownie……..sooooooo good!!!

Anyways, I wanted to share the link for these cookies. Though I am the Queen of recipe alterations, the only thing I changed on this, was more chocolate chips. I always add chocolate chips to my brownie mix.

Click here for the Chocolate Chip Cookies Stuffed with Brownies Recipe



Getting to the light

Please forgive me for not keeping up with my blog posts lately. Honestly, since late December I was dealing with some crazy health stuff. I was in and out of the doctors all the time and they ran so many freaking tests, but nothing was getting concluded. It was very frustrating. I was feeling awful, my body was fighting something…but nobody could figure out what and I didn’t feel like they cared.

Do you know how bad this messes with your brain?

I got depressed.

I felt myself getting into “a fog.” If you haven’t ever dealt with depression, that’s my best way to describe it. It’s kind of dark, you can see a light… but can’t really get to it. You get tired all the time and obviously sad. I was unmotivated and convinced I was dying. I was fighting off anxiety attacks all the time. My doctors kept just throwing antibiotics at me, but straight telling me they had no idea why.

Then one day, my friend gave me the name of her Naturopath.

Look, I consider myself a natural’ish momma. I only buy clean and organic foods when I can, we drink from our house filtered water only, I use my oils first…before anything else. But, I love a good cheeseburger occasionally, I enjoy a glass of wine, I try very hard to always keep homemade cookies in our cookie jar. I’m not perfect, so very far from it, but I try.

A Naturopath though? That’s super foreign to me. I go where the insurance pays, ya know? That’s it. I was at my wits end though and had to do something different, so I went. Now, I can not vouch for all Naturopaths, but mine…..holy wow! I left there feeling heard. He cared. He cried along side me. He promised this would get figured out. On top of all of that, he checked in on me regularly via email and if I didn’t respond back to him, he called. I have never experienced such care before. The best part is he did NOT bad talk the doctors I was seeing. He was there once too, he knows what they are taught and how they are paid and given bonuses…the system is cracked….not the doctors.

So here I am …..getting help. Feeling much better and best of all I am not just a number anymore. Between that and some very special friends who helped me with oils work and just listening, I am AT the light. I am doing good.

Thanks for bearing with me. Happy to be back!!

Finger Trap Panic

If you are not a parent, you are probably missing out on one of the best things possible.

The relief of stress you feel from torturing teasing your children.

Recently my oldest kiddo got to pick a small prize at the store. I was able to convince him to get a finger trap. Because they are so cool!

Did you have a finger trap as a kid? I did. The thing I remember is the first time using it,  the panic I felt trying to get that sucker off. After that, it was a tool I had in my pocket for when unsuspecting victims came over to play. I had learned the trick and I couldn’t wait to mess with my friends.

Well, I guess that feeling didn’t go away.

I took great joy in the hysterical freak out my kid had, trying to get this thing off.

He put it on as we were driving home and just couldn’t figure it out. Of course the harder you pull the tighter it gets and he couldn’t understand that. Then we got to the house and he realized he couldn’t take his seatbelt off. He was “trapped in the car forever!”

I asked him what the solution is, when something is hard to deal with. He stopped for a second and said, I try and relax. Just like that, he chilled out slightly, pushed in and his fingers came out.

I never had realized finger traps could be such a great symbol, for how to deal with panic.



The Baking Dilemma

I struggle with something. It will sound so incredibly lame, but it’s a legit issue.

When I’m baking, at least one child (if not both) want to help.

Ok, I know……ummmm….so what’s the big deal?

The big deal is, those adorable helpers seriously slow me down! Like, a lot.

I make about 5 dinners a week for our family of four. I often have to schedule this preparation time down to the second. This is between picking kids up from school, getting homework done, studying for tests, getting to multiple sports or events.

So when the moment comes when I have to bake something. Whether this is a dish I’m preparing for the week, cookies for a bake sale, cake for a birthday…I have to be selective with my time.

But those kids man, they see the KitchenAid Mixer come out and BAM……”Mom, can I help?”

Inside I’m screaming, “NOOOOOOOO!”

Sometimes I try and deter them with an “I’m almost done” or “this will be quick.”

But those little boogers, just don’t care. They roll up their sleeves, wash their hands, pull up the stool and put their hand out for a tool.

Just accept it momma. Let it go and teach.


Walk Confidently

We all have those days. The days we feel like everyone is watching our every move. We feel like they are judging our outfit, hair, shoes….you name it.

But honestly I think what’s being “judged” is the way we are acting. When you feel like crap, don’t you think the world sees that something is off?

This morning as I was driving my oldest in to school, he turned to me and said he was nervous about going in. I of course asked why (fearing I wasn’t told about a test or something). But instead he told me that he was nervous his peers wouldn’t like his new haircut.

me: Do YOU like your new haircut?

him: Yes, I like it a lot.

me: Then why do you think others won’t?

him: I think because it is so different. It’s nothing like my old hair and I don’t want people to think I did something crazy.

me: Do YOU think you did something crazy?

him: No

me: Then what does it matter? You like it, you know I think you look awesome. Just own it bud. Walk confidently.

him: What?

me: Seriously. When you step out of this car, walk right over to your line and tell yourself “dang, I look good!” When you are confident it shows.

He steps out of the car, looks back. I told him…..”dang dude, you look good!” He smiled, pulled his shoulders back and walked right over to his line. He looked as confident as you can. I saw him smile as a couple people came up to him telling him they liked his hair.

This is a reminder. As much for me, than anyone else. Feel confident momma. You look dang good, you work hard and you need to be to be happy with you!

Your Essence

Have you ever heard of an Essence Workshop? If you ever have the opportunity to attend one of these babies, I highly recommend it.

Basically this workshop helps you find the person you are. The person you were born to be.

This is who you feel you are at your absolute best. The crazy part is though,that even at your weakest moments, this “essence” is still shining through. Others can see it and feel it just by really looking at you and hearing your voice.

This past week I joined a group of great women to do this workshop.

Let me tell you though, the part about people seeing this essence, even when you are at your weakest moment, was truly tested.

Lets just start off by saying, I am not a crier.

I cry, yes. But generally when I’m by myself, in the shower.

I know, it’s strange. I don’t know why this is. I don’t care when other people cry in front of me. But the judgement I lay on myself for crying in front of others is intense. It’s embarrassing for me and I pretty much shame myself.

I’m working on it.

Anyways, this particular day I went to this event and I was OFF. I have been struggling a bit lately with some personal health stuff and I was getting to a crazy breaking point. I walked in the door and felt myself struggling. I tried to stop it, I focused on my planner and emails I had received that morning. But as soon as the group started and we had to introduce ourselves, the flood gates opened. I was dying on the inside. Telling everyone this “isnt me.” It was bad.

But the thing is, when it was my turn to have everyone shout out my words. The words they felt that come from me, just as I sat there….they nailed it. It was me, at my best.

How is that possible? I was my most vulnerable self!

When the coach asked me what I thought of  my words. I told her it looked like a lot of work to live up to on a daily basis, but I loved them all. Then she reminded me, “But this is who you are just sitting here, it’s not work, it’s you!”

What a relief. What an amazing feeling! I can be all that, without the pressure to maintain it?!


New Plan

I decided something this week, which basically will leave me hating life at times and sore . BUT, starting this past Monday my plan is for the next 8 weeks to get 6 days of workouts in a week and to eat clean. Two to three workouts will be at my gym, then the rest will be as I choose (hiking, walking, running, a workout video, etc).

My thought is that this might suck, but it’s time to kick this baby up a notch. What’s the harm in doing this? I can only gain something from it. I mean whoever thought to themselves at the end of the day, “Boo, I wish I didn’t workout today.”

I need help being accountable though. I’m pretty good at sticking to a goal, but something like this is so outside of my comfort zone, that I need an extra push. So I posted to my social media yesterday. I was reaching out to my friends and family asking them if anyone would like to do any of these workouts (outside of the gym) with me. I was super pleased with the responses I had. Friends from all different areas of my life, volunteering to help push me.

So now it’s up to me. I need to sit down schedule stuff out and plan ahead, because that’s how you make it work, right?

I already have the food part figured out. I have an amazing friend who has been helping me. She gives me my weekly food list, every Sunday. But as for the workouts….. the only thing I can think of, is just blocking off the time of day I am going to do that workout and if others had wanted to join me that day, fill them in too.

Anything I am missing? Pointers?

Look at this beautiful view. I’m not much of a runner, but it’s a lot easier to push yourself, when this is your view!

Welcome to my morning……

It’s 6am, you’re laying in bed after the alarm goes off. You are bound and determined to make this morning go right. You’re sick of the morning hustle, the quarrels, the rush. Let’s stay in bed for a bit and begin our new morning meditation work. Breath in for three seconds, hold it for three seconds, breath out for three seconds….clear your mind. Repeat several times.

Ok, feeling good. Let’s do this.

Morning routine underway. You are doused in Joy and Stress Away Oils (just to be safe), you have coffee brewing and lunches packed.

Time to wake the kids!

Kiddos are up and 20 minutes in everything is running smooth.

Then you hear it. The phrase that throws every moms perfect morning in to a freak out fit, ” Oh no, moooooooom, I forgot to do my assignment. It’s due today!”

Thanking God you got the kids up early, you tell that kid to get on it.

45 minutes later, he is STILL working on it!

You do what you can to prepare him, as he works. You put away his stuff, put on his socks, oils and tie his shoes. You spray and brush his hair (being careful not to get it on his paper), you give him his vitamins and put away his lunch and water bottle.

Line is drawn, you can’t brush his teeth. It’s now up to him.

Why? Why is my new calm morning plan already being tested?

Where is my freaking diffuser?! Get that sucker plugged in now!

Coffffeeeeeeeeeee! I need coffee!!

Out the door, only 10 minutes late. Though normally being late for anything throws you in to a tizzy, today you chalk it up as a win.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow it WILL be calm.